reSingles

Stop Thinking About the Number and Start Living.

2010-02-05T12:41:00.000-08:00

As we get older we try to come up with better ways not to look or act our age. We try new hair colors, inject ourselves with toxins, triple our vitamins and go on retreats with a guru who tell us the same things our mothers tried teaching us as a child.

(1) We are special

(2) We are loved

(3) We are perfect as we are.

I say, Stop living a number and start living the life you choose!

You are special, loved and perfect for you! There is only one of you, yes even if you are a twin, s/he isn't like you, except maybe in looks. You have your own heart, loves and mistakes. Be who you are. Special in your walk, special in your talk, special in your smile but most of all, special in your heart.

No one has your feelings nor your way of showing them. Changing your outward appearance will not change that. No true love will love you less for growing with age. I'm not saying to sit down and die. I still want you up moving, growing and learning with each year. I want you to know why you are doing it. If it is because you want it, and not because some television commercial told you to, go for it. Living the age we are, should not be shameful in any manner. God has blessed us with a long life for a purpose. We need to find that purpose and move with it.

No amount of hair dye, vitamins or toxins can change the real person we are, within. That's the person we need to be neutering and loving. Taking care of the heart that loves by searching out ways to share that love.

(1) Volunteer more, the need is there.

(2) Laugh more, even if the joke is not funny.

(3) Bigger smiles at strangers. Count the smiles you get back.

(4) Giving away free hugs to the young and old.

(5) Sing more, off key counts too.

(6) Use kinder words when talking about yourself.

(7) Free up the restraints you have on your heart and love someone.

Your list may have different points on it than mine but I hope this gives you some ideas on how we can grow in years and still love every minute of it. Knowing with each year passing, we are still that little person our Mothers believed we were: Special, Loved and Perfect.

Forgiving the Past Hurts, Who to Start With?

2010-01-03T14:20:00.000-08:00

Forgiveness is the key to letting the past stay the past. Deciding the line of people to forgive or ask forgiveness from, is sometimes harder than we think. If we have had a long history of pain from or toward others, remembering names and causes can be even harder. Either way the forgiveness should go, I suggest you start with yourself.

Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest part of moving forward. No one will lie to you more, than you lie to yourself....thus making it harder to accept that no one is prefect, we all make mistakes but owning up to them is the true route of moving on.

Asking the ones you have hurt for forgiveness, then accepting their answer whether it's the one you want to hear or not is a doorway to moving forward. You can not make someone forgive you for the past hurts but once you have ask,,,you have done your part. If they decline, that's their burden to bare, not yours.

Once you have reached the end of asking for forgiveness of others, accept the fact you have done all you can do to right the past and move forward with an open mind and a new love for yourself.

Whatever it is you are searching for, be ready to accept it, when it's offered. Give yourself the trust to make good decisions and in time, you will.

Faylee

Change Your Routine to Meet More People

2009-09-15T12:07:00.000-07:00

Are you in a rut? Do you do the same things over and over then wonder why your life isn't going in the direction you want it to take?

Maybe it's time to change your routines. Take a new way to work. Instead of heading to the gym after work, go for a long walk in the park. Have dinner at that cute sidewalk cafe instead of a TV dinner on the sofa.

So many times we get so set in our ways we miss the opportunity to meet new people or see new places that can enrich our lives. If you are looking to meet someone for a future together and what you are doing now isn't helping. Then change it! You are the only one who can.

Let friend know you are open to nights out instead of closing yourself off. Smile back when someone looks at you. Speak to the nice stranger in the grocery store, especially if you have noticed them before. Take the extra step to enlarge your circle and routines. You never know what little change it will take to enhance your whole live.

Faylee

Adventure, How good are you at knowing when to do it?

2009-09-07T12:45:00.000-07:00

I think we all want something a little different in our lives at one time or another but how good are we at attempting to go after it?
On my good days I'm rather bold but even with all my boldness I can still be shy around the right person. I believe we just aren't one person but a combination of many parts.

When meeting someone new, I choose which part of me he sees. Will it be Mollye, who is calmer and likes to laugh more? Will it be Faylee, who is more in charge and likes to give her opinions. Will it be Fay who remembers the shyness of her youth and get timid? Or will it be MollyeFay who gathers all the others together, sticks out her hand and says [in her best Minnie Pearl] Howdeee, nice to meet you?

Every day is an adventure, it's up to us to reach out with the part of us that fits that day or for that matter the minute.

Be daring, be bold, be the me you need and want to be.

Faylee

Thinking About ME

2009-07-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

How many times have you been told it's selfish to think about yourself before others? If you are like me, I'm sure it's in the hundreds if not thousands. I was raised on the thought of helping others and leaving yourself till last. But I'm learning a new way of thinking. I have learned when I think of myself more often and do what is best for me, in turn helps me to be in a better position to help others.

How many times have you rushed around doing errands and not feed the body that is serving you. We all do it. We leave the house with no food in our stomachs, skip lunch to pick up dry cleaning. Then before we know it, it's three o'clock in the afternoon and we have a headache, frazzled nerves with a screaming fit coming on by the time we pick the kids up at school.

How much better for you, had it have been a short breakfast and a sit down lunch, even if it was a simple fast food feast from the dollar menu? Your children or date would have a smiling human picking them up, instead of someone who's about to ruin their day.

Take the few extra minutes to care about yourself. It will give you the energy to help others with a smile and in the long run get you where you want to be in your life.

Faylee

The Message of Your Love

2009-07-09T14:43:00.000-07:00

What is your Messages of Love?

Do you pat people on the backs, put an arm around their shoulders, tenderly stroke their cheeks or play with their hair, while you are speaking to them?

Do you say I love you often, even when fighting? While this may sound romantic, it's also a sign of insecurity in your relationship. Let your pardoner know you love them in other ways, not only verbally. Hugging is a great connector. There is no substitute for a warm, loving embrace.

Do you talk without saying a word? Wink or smiles are ways of letting each other know you are thinking of them. Some couples even have a secret wave or words, to stay connected in public gathering.

Do you write notes, leaving them where your love can find them? Letting your pardoner know you are thinking of them when you are apart.

All of these are wonderful ways to show and reinforce your love for each other.

….Words are mere bubbles of water, but deeds are drops of gold……A Chinese Proverb…

Just Because!

2009-07-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

I found this piece in 1998-99, shortly after going through my divorce. It has always been a great help for me, I hope you enjoy it. It was written by Bishop T. D. Jakes.

Just Because!
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine any less.

Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best,

Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming,

Just because no one has made this race worth while, doesn't give you permission to stop running,

Just because no one has realized how much of a person you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity or masculinity,

Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality,

Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs,

Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair,

Just because God is still preparing your "One", doesn't mean that you are not ready,

Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing,

Keep shining,
Keep running,
Keep hoping,
Keep praying,
Keep being exactly what you are already....
COMPLETE!

The Old Song and Dance

2009-06-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

"Have you learned your very own song and dance?"

I once heard a speaker ask that question and at first I thought it was funny. Imagining myself singing and dancing brought giggles to my lips. I can carry a tune and maybe dance a wild waltz but to do them at the same time would take more talent than I have in that department.

After I thought about what he said, I realized he wanted us to see ourselves as the unique person we are. No one else can sing our song or dance our dance. If we do not learn it ourselves, it is lost, forever.

Learning ourselves may be the hardest feat we face as adults. No one lies to us more than we lie to ourselves. No one hurts us more than we hurt ourselves. How many times have you stood in front of a mirror and said, "I look awful", when in your heart you know you do not. Or how many times have you let yourself take the blame for something going wrong, when you know you have done your best?

When we tell ourselves things like that we are letting someone else write our song and maybe even sing it too. Take the time to write your song, learn it well, then sing it from the roof tops. You are well worth it.

Faylee

Returns

2009-06-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

I have gotten such great mail on the "Getting a Second Date" post that I am thinking about turning it into a short ebook by adding more helpful tips for the dater. I'll keep you up on it's progress and publishing date.

It's it funny that a subject someone would think is so simple, could make a large impact on others?

I think it might be a case of what is one persons trash being a treasure to another. We all have something of value to pass on, we just need to find it and get to passing!

Wishing all of you a day with rainbows and treasures.

Faylee

Getting Your Singles Profile Right

2009-05-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

When signing up on a Dating Site you want your profile to represent who you are. Sometimes we give away to silly thoughts or actions and come off sounding like someone who is not truly us.
Before you fill in the blanks and take a few minutes to think about the nature of the questions you are being ask to answer. Cute answers or a bad attempt at humor can lead to your profile being discarded to the delete file before ever being read.

If the form ask for you to say something about yourself, have a clear picture of what you are going to say before placing your fingers on the keyboard.

Do Not Say: My life is an open book, ask me anything you want. The reader is wanting to read your thoughts on you. If there is nothing to keep their interest, they will move on. Do not make them do all the work of getting to know you because most will not.

Do Say: My name is .......... I have been single for .... years. I have ... children and ... grandchildren. [fill in the .... ]

Do Not Say: I'm looking for a good woman/man, the last 4 I had were all losers.

Do Say: I'm searching for the perfect person for me.

Do Not Say: I'm just looking to see what's out there. If you like me, get back to me, I'm waiting.

Do Say: Here are a few things I like in a person. [give your opinions on these qualities]
[1] attitude
[2] personality
[3] values
[4] hobbies
If this sounds like you, please contact me. I'm open to answering all inquiries.

Keep your answers simple but to the point. You want to give information that is going to get you replies and open doors to finding the person right for you.

Getting Second Dates, a Problem?

2009-05-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

You can get lots of first dates but getting the second one seems impossible. Maybe you are trying to hard or not trying hard enough. These tips work with any age group, as our need of wanting to be with another does not change as we grow. If anything, our need to have someone to love gets stronger as we age in years and grow in understanding of who we are. So lets get started on getting you that second date.

The secret to getting that second date is to be a good first date. So we will start with how the first date went.

[1] Did you show up on time?

[2] Did you come prepared, knowing where you were taking her, how you were going to get there and where to park?

[3] Did you show up dressed in correct attire?

[4] Did you show up smelling good and looking better?

[5] Did you keep the conversation casual and on non controversial subjects?

[6] Did you compliment her?

[7] Did you walk her to her door at the end of the evening or to her vehicle if you met somewhere?

[8] Did you hold her hand and say, thank you for the lovely evening?
If you answered yes to all the questions and still didn't get a second date, maybe you forgot the most important thing to do.

Ask!

Sounds simple, I know, but one of the main reasons you do not get the second date is, you simply do not ask or you wait to long to ask. Waiting a week after the first date to ask for the second one may send the wrong signal. If you have not ask within the first 72 hours, most of us assume you did not like us enough for a second date and we mentally move on.

Even if you do not have the time in your schedule to meet again in the first week, call the other person and tell them what a great time you had with them and set a date for another meeting. As long as it isn't months away, most people will get that second date plus more.

If you answered yes to the questions, don't forget your follow through and loose out on something wonderful.

Faylee

Life Coach
Prices for all needs including a thirty minute getting to know you free consultation.
Contact me at FayleeJames@yahoo.com

Are you Too Old?

2009-05-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

Has anyone told you, you were to old for love or wanting someone in your life? I have and it came from someone I loved very much. Did I listen to them? Sad to say, yes, I did. I was already "middle aged" when I got the courage to end my marriage. One of the main reasons I wanted to end the marriage was my loneliness. I knew I deserved better and I wanted to feel alive again. BUT, even with that I was open to letting someone else tell me I had waited to long. Life had passed me by.
It took another two years and a new friend to let me know it was ok, in fact right in every way, to want the love I was craving. My age wasn't the problem, my letting someone else decide what was right for me, was.
I started my search by learning who I was and what or who I wanted in my life. I found out the loneliness I was feeling wasn't so much for another person as it was for finding the person I wanted to be.
Once I became the best me, the rest would come too. I went back to school, taking classes on becoming a Life Coach. I ended my old career in public relations, something I hadn't liked for years but was still doing out of habit. I begin to write, not just for me but for you. I begin to speak to other late bloomers, encouraging them to try new things and reach for their desires. I began coaching, what I call reSingles, people who, like me became single later in life and had forgotten how to date or have relationships with the opposite sex.
A new life for me began after fifty. Not that I would change having my beautiful children because they are my light. The light that keeps me going to be the best me, I can be. My regret is not being this person when I had more influence in their lives.
Never, never, never let someone tell you, you are too old to start something new in your life. Whether it be finding love, writing a book or rollerblading across America. Ok, maybe the rollerblading might be taking it a bit far, but decisions for your life should come from you. After all, you are the one that has the right answers to all your questions, just reach up and grab them. Then enjoy and make it happen.
Faylee

Welcome

2009-05-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new blog. This page will be dedicated to all of us reSingles who want more from life and love.

I will be looking for input form my readers on how you have moved your life forward since becoming single again after forty.

I know it's not something we planned when we started our lives as a couple but life has a way of giving things we didn't ask for. It's up to us to balance out the effects and move forward to a better life. I do believe we can help each other do that.

If any of you have something you want posted here to share with other, just send it to the address on the dashboard and I will post. All request need an open return address as I may need to speak to you before posting.

Looking forward to being a part of your life and sharing my life with you.

Faylee